


36 days later

by ichigotchi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-War, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 09:59:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16574318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichigotchi/pseuds/ichigotchi
Summary: From what he had been told, Sasuke Uchiha had seventeen and a half years of life behind him, but from what he could remember, his existence had begun 36 days ago, in a hospital room, with a man crying next to him and birds outside the window.





	36 days later

**Author's Note:**

> some people have commented saying they wish there was a happier ending, and while im not ruling out a second chapter which might have a more positive ending, for now this is what you've got.   
> SO! **if you want a happy ending, stop reading when you see "748 days later"** aka don't read the final segment!

From what he had been told, his life had been a tragedy. In the shadow of his older brother until the age of 8 when said brother massacred his entire family, he led a life fuelled by revenge. At age 13 he tried to kill his best friend and abandoned the village he knew as home, in favour of great, maleficent power. At age 16 he killed the murderer of his family, only to discover his brother had been manipulated by the village he ran from. At age 17 he fought in the greatest war the shinobi world had ever known, and emerged somewhat of a hero at his best friend's side. He later tried to kill his best friend again, but after the defeat, and the loss of an arm each, they returned to the village. 

From what he had been told, things had been normal for 2 weeks after his return. Well, as normal as was to be expected. He was imprisoned and interrogated for 3 days, and then had chakra suppressants placed all over his body but was allowed to freely walk the village, as long as he was supervised and had no weapons on his person. 

From what he had been told, 15 days after his return to Konoha, his mind had broken. He was told, due to everything that had occurred in his life, that it was somewhat inevitable. The girl with the pink hair said that they thought it was due to the re-assimilation into the village. She said he must have been so used to running, not belonging anywhere, being focused on revenge of one form or another. When a vague normality returned and he was living a life that was ordinary and had no blood-thirsty fuel behind it, he just broke down. 

—

The first thing Sasuke remembers is waking up in a hospital bed with a tube in his nose and a man with blonde hair crying over his lap. He remembers the IV in his arm, and a high pitch inconstant noise outside the room he was in, which was later identified as birds tweeting. When the man realised he was awake he cried even more, before he made some movements with his hands and another version of the man appeared from nowhere, right beside him, and ran out of the room. Soon the second blonde man returned with a lady with pink hair, and another lady with dark hair. They did lots of tests; shined lights in his eyes, looked in his mouth and his ears and made him wiggle his toes. They began to talk to him in unfamiliar voices, though he understood the words. Half way through a sentence from the pink haired lady, who looked like she was trying not to cry, he asked:

"Where am I?". 

The lady with the pink hair laughed and then looked at him incredulously.

"In the hospital obviously. Come on Sasuke, I know you were away from the village for a while but you ended up in these rooms countless times when we were genin. Surely you recognise it?" 

He blinks at her with wide eyes and the three look at him as if the expression on his face is unfamiliar. 

"What village?" He asks, and then: "Who's Sasuke?"

The blonde man begins to wail loudly, clutching at his wrist from the bedside and shaking him almost painfully. 

"Sasuke this isn't funny. What do you fucking mean 'what village?!' The village I've been trying to drag you back to for 4 fucking years! The village we returned to after the war! The village we call home!" 

He blinks at him again. 

"You're hurting my arm a little, please let go." 

The man cries even more. After that, people come and go and they look into his eyes more, and then into his brain. They ask him questions and use names he doesn't know and places he's never been until the pink haired lady, who he now knows is called Sakura, stands at the end of his bed and says:

"You have amnesia. A very serious case. We don't know if it's permanent."

Then she leaves, and he hears her cry when she closes the door to his room. 

From what he had been told, Sasuke Uchiha had seventeen and a half years of life behind him, but from what he could remember, his existence had begun 36 days ago, in a hospital room, with a man crying next to him and birds outside the window.

—

**36 days later** , Sasuke sits on the sofa with his head on the shoulder of the blonde man called Naruto. He doesn't remember Naruto but Naruto is always very warm, and he smells nice; a bit like the grass after it has been raining, but also a bit like the sea and a bit like fresh laundry. So he often sits with his head on Naruto's warm shoulder, and breathes in Naruto's nice smell. Naruto doesn't seem to mind, though sometimes he cries. Naruto cries a lot, Sasuke observes. When Sasuke asks certain things, Naruto cries. And when Sasuke hugs Naruto, he cries then too. Naruto tells him it's because the Sasuke he knows wouldn't do this, and although it's nice, it's also very unfamiliar and reminds him that the Sasuke in front of him doesn't remember what they went through together. That makes him feel bad, because Naruto is always very nice to Sasuke and he doesn't want to make him sad. So he says sorry, and sometimes that makes Naruto cry even harder. He mentions to Sakura that Naruto cries a lot, because he is worried, and Sakura tells him: 

"He's been through a lot. It's going to be a long road for the heroes of the war before they're okay again."

He nods because that is all he can do. He is a war veteran but he doesn't remember it. He knows it's true though, because when he looks at his body naked in the mirror he sees lots of scars, and he doesn't have a left arm. He leaves to ask Naruto about it, and Naruto's face goes pink and tells him usually the old Sasuke would wear some underwear. Sasuke points out that he isn't the old Sasuke, but puts some on anyway. Then he sits next to Naruto and asks him to inform him where he got each scar. Naruto touches him very gently, as if he will break, but it feels nice. 

"It feels nice." 

Naruto looks at him confused. 

"What does?" He asks. 

"When you touch me. It feels nice."

Naruto's face goes pink again. 

Naruto removes his prosthetic arm and shows Sasuke he also is missing his arm. They lost them fighting each other. Then he points to the scar on Sasuke's jaw, on his left hip, his lower right calf, and the one that runs the length of his rib cage on his left and says 

"I gave you all these too."

Sasuke asks about the other scars, but Naruto says he doesn't know. He says Sasuke was gone for a long time, and this is his first time seeing lots of the scars too. Sasuke points at Naruto's face and asks if he gave Naruto those scars in return. Naruto laughs. 

"No, I was born with these."

Sasuke frowns, and asks if there's any scars Naruto has that Sasuke gave him, apart from his stumped arm. Naruto explains he has a big fox spirit inside him which is very powerful, and the fox heals Naruto very quickly, so he doesn't have as many scars as Sasuke. However he takes off his shirt and points to a small scarred patch of skin, just above where his heart is. 

"You gave me this when we were 13." 

Sasuke touches the scar and feels that it is rough compared to the rest of Naruto's skin, so he kisses it. 

"Sorry." he says, and Naruto cries.

—

**50 days later** and Sasuke has learnt how to cook an egg, and put it on a slice of toast. So he does that, for Naruto and himself, every morning. He lives with Naruto, because he doesn't know how to do lots of things and Naruto says he is happy to take care of Sasuke. That makes Sasuke happy because Naruto is his favourite person. They sleep in separate rooms but sometimes Sasuke wakes up very early and walks into Naruto's room and gets in bed with him. Naruto sleeps in a pair of shorts and Sasuke likes to press his face against Naruto's tummy while he is asleep because it is very soft and very warm and smells nice. Naruto doesn't wake up usually, but when he does he asks Sasuke to stop because it's weird for him. Sasuke asks why and he gives the same answer he always does: 

"The Sasuke I know wouldn't do that." 

Sasuke frowns at that, because he is now a Sasuke that Naruto knows, and he does that, but he doesn't want to make him sad, so he says sorry. After the 4th time Naruto wakes up with Sasuke resting on his stomach, he does not object, but simply asks Sasuke to move his head up so it is comfier. Sasuke lays his head on Naruto's chest and decides this is nice too, because he can hear the steady beat of his heart and can feel Naruto's warm breath on the top of his head. He traces the big black tattoo around Naruto's navel with his finger and Naruto wraps an arm round Sasuke's waist and pulls him close and murmurs something into his hair that he can't hear, so he asks what he said. 

"I said, it feels nice." 

Sasuke frowns in confusion. 

"What does?" 

"When you touch me. It feels nice." Naruto replies.

Sasuke smiles at him because he remembers that is what he said to Naruto before and now it feels like a special joke between them. When Naruto sees Sasuke smiling at him, with his head on his chest and his palm flat against his stomach, Naruto cries. 

—

**70 days later** and Naruto has taught Sasuke to cook several things, though Sasuke observes that most of them have noodles in. Sakura warns him that Naruto eats too many noodles, and he should try and get Naruto to teach him to cook something else too. When Sasuke asks Naruto about this, Naruto scoffs and informs him that ramen provides all the nutrients a growing young man should need. Naruto also teaches Sasuke how to do other stuff he used to know how to do, like hold his sword and throw a kunai. His aim isn't always very good but it seems his body remembers something of the action because when Naruto passes him a shuriken he automatically holds it correctly. Naruto grins at him and says 

"If there's anything the Sasuke I knew could do, it was fight."

Sasuke smiles back because he likes the idea of himself being a good fighter. He promises to himself, and to Naruto, that he will train hard so he can become good again. Naruto says it will take a long time, but he'll be happy to see his progress. He asks Sasuke 

"Do you have access to your sharingan?"

Sasuke looks confused. Naruto explains: 

"Your family have a special ability in your eyes, which make them very powerful. They can see very quickly and in great detail, and they can perform powerful genjutsu. Concentrate on your eyes and see if you can activate your sharingan."

Sasuke tries to concentrate his power in his eyes but he just ends up going red in the face. 

"I can't do it." he says, frustrated. 

Naruto smiles sadly. 

"The sharingan is awakened by trauma as far as I know. Maybe because you don't remember anything bad, you no longer have access to it."

Sasuke thinks for a minute and comes to a conclusion:

"If I have to go through bad things to unlock it, I don't mind just having normal eyes." 

Naruto looks at his face, staring at him earnestly and nods. 

"You're not the Sasuke I knew, but I wish he had thought like you do sometimes." 

That makes Sasuke happy, and he hugs Naruto. These days, Naruto hugs Sasuke back instead of pushing him away or asking him to stop, and that makes Sasuke even happier. Suddenly Sasuke has the compulsion to kiss Naruto, so he does. He tilts his head and presses his lips against the other's and he feels Naruto go completely still for a moment. Then Naruto's lips are moving, very slowly and gently, against his own and Sasuke smiles into the kiss. Sasuke closes his eyes and pulls away very slightly to say 

"This feels nice." 

Naruto doesn't reply however, not like he usually does when they share their inside joke, and so Sasuke opens his eyes. Naruto's face is all scrunched up and he is shaking, so Sasuke kisses his bunched up eyebrows, and his screwed shut eyes and then his trembling lips and Naruto cries.

—

**104 days later** Naruto comes home from one of his weekly trips to Shikamaru's house late at night. Naruto goes to spend time with his friends, and he invites Sasuke but Sasuke is scared of some of Naruto's friends, especially Ino because she looked inside his head in the hospital, so he says no. Naruto comes back drunk most of the time, because a lot of Naruto's friends are 18 now so they can drink, and Naruto is a war hero so nobody refuses to serve him alcohol. Sasuke doesn't mind because Naruto appears to have fun with his friends, and Sasuke only spends a few hours at home alone, so it's okay. Naruto says something funny when he gets home, and Sasuke laughs, and because he is laughing and happy, Naruto looks him in a funny way. 

"What is it?" Sasuke asks him. 

"Your laugh is so pretty. I hear it more in a day now than I did in the last 6 years before you lost your memory." 

Sasuke isn't sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, because having a pretty laugh sounds nice, but Naruto looks sad. Suddenly Sasuke has, what he thinks is, a very good idea and runs over to their audio player and puts on a song he knows Naruto likes, because he plays it a lot. Then he runs over to Naruto and grabs his hands and starts to dance with him. Sasuke doesn't remember how to dance, nor is he sure he's ever known how to, but he read that dancing is fun and Naruto likes fun. At first, Naruto laughs and twirls Sasuke around, slightly uncoordinated because of the alcohol, but then he brings Sasuke close and holds him tight to his body and Sasuke recognises that this is one of the gestures Naruto does when he feels sad or insecure about a situation. Sasuke decides to kiss Naruto again, even though last time it made Naruto cry, and connects their lips. This time, Naruto reciprocates passionately, and soon Sasuke's mouth is filled by Naruto's tongue and his breath and his moans and Sasuke thinks this feels even better than hugs or putting his face on Naruto's tummy combined. He doesn't really know what he's doing but he knows he wants all his body touching all of Naruto's body so he starts to take his clothes off and then Naruto's. Naruto lets him. 

Sasuke isn't sure what happens but soon Naruto is on top of him and they're connected, part of Naruto is inside him, and though it hurt at first now it feels nice and Naruto is touching him all over and kissing him and Sasuke wants to laugh because he is so happy. All the nice feelings build up and explode, and that makes Naruto explode too. He read in one of the many lifestyle books Sakura has made him read over the last 104 days that this is sex, and he just had an orgasm, but it doesn't matter to him what it is because all that matters is that it made Naruto and himself feel nice. They lay for a little while after, still connected, and then he feels Naruto shaking. At first, Sasuke thinks he is laughing because he is happy but then Naruto sits up and Sasuke can see his face is screwed up like when he is about to cry. 

"Why do you always cry when we are close?" Sasuke asks before he can stop himself. 

Naruto looks at him for a moment. 

"The Sasuke I know wouldn't do this. Not ever." he says, his voice quivering. 

"Why not? It feels nice." he replies. 

"Because this is something you do with someone you love." Naruto responds quietly. 

"So you love him?" 

Naruto looks at him again, blue eyes swimming and ready to spill. 

"I’ve loved him since we were 13." 

"But he doesn't love you?" Sasuke asks. 

"I don't know what he feels for me exactly. But love like this? No." 

Sasuke goes quiet for a minute, contemplating what he has been told. He thinks about Naruto and his nice smell, and his soft skin. He thinks about Naruto's patience with teaching him things, and how he makes him laugh and feel safe and happy. 

"I think I love you though." 

Naruto's eyes go very wide, and then they squeeze shut and his body shakes so much that he falls backwards and now they're no longer connected and it makes Sasuke feel funny. 

"I love you." he says again, thinking it would make the other happy, but it doesn't, and Naruto cries.

—

**105 days later** and Naruto is ignoring him. This makes Sasuke very angry because last night he told Naruto that he loved him and did something with Naruto that ‘you do with someone you love’ and yet Naruto will not speak to him. When Sasuke brings him egg on toast in the morning Naruto does not acknowledge him. When Sasuke talks to him, Naruto pretends he does not hear. When Sasuke shouts Naruto's name, he sees his shoulders tense but he does not respond. Sasuke decides to spend the day doing other things, like reading books, listening to music and walking. He goes to see Sakura, who he thinks is his closest friend other than Naruto. She is very strong and very self-assured and Sasuke likes that about her. She told him before that when they were younger, Sakura thought she was in love with Sasuke. That makes Sasuke laugh and Sakura is confused. 

"What's so funny about that?" she asks him indignantly.

"You're very pretty and very strong and I think you probably could have been in love with someone better. The me from before sounds like he wasn’t very nice to people." Sasuke replies and this makes Sakura beam. 

She leans in and whispers 

"Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I prefer you to the old Sasuke." 

Sasuke beams back at her and hugs her. Sakura doesn't smell as nice as Naruto, but it's still a nice smell and he likes hugging her every so often. 

He is in a good mood when he returns home, and he even got take-out ramen from Naruto's favourite place, Ichiraku. Sasuke finds Naruto in his room and brings him the noodles. When Naruto doesn't acknowledge them he prods at Naruto before shoving the bowl in his face. At this, Naruto lashes out and the noodles are spilt all over the floor and on Sasuke's pants and a bit of the broth burns his hands. And so Sasuke cries, noisily like a child. And then Naruto is rushing to him and holding him and stroking his hair and wiping his tears. 

"I'm so sorry. Sorry for lashing out and sorry for ignoring you." Naruto soothes and slowly Sasuke stops crying, still sniffling slightly. 

"I think I'm in love with you and you love me, but not the me that is here right now. You love the me from 106 days ago and I'm never going to be that me." 

When Sasuke meets his eyes, Naruto cries.

—

**391 days later** and Naruto is dancing round their apartment to a song on the radio while Sasuke cooks dinner. They both had training today, though they don't train together. Naruto is training to be hokage, whilst Sasuke is training to become strong again. The chunin exams are coming up soon and Naruto thinks Sasuke is strong enough again now to enter and succeed. That makes Sasuke very happy because training is hard but it's very satisfying when the hard work pays off. Naruto has stopped dancing at some point and comes to put his arms round Sasuke's waist, resting his head on his shoulder and kissing his cheek. 

"This is nice." Naruto says and Sasuke laughs. 

He serves dinner and they eat, talking about their day. It is no longer awkward, and Naruto no longer cries when they are close. They have sex most nights, and some mornings, and that makes Sasuke happy because it feels nice and it is something you do with someone you love. And they love each other. Sasuke remembers it took many months, but gradually Naruto fell in love with the Sasuke of now. Sometimes Naruto expresses that he misses the Sasuke of 391 days ago, but not very often. Naruto tells Sasuke that he makes him happy, and that in turn makes Sasuke happy. He spends time with Naruto's friends now, even Ino who looked inside his brain, and they tell him he is a lot friendlier than the Sasuke from before, and that makes Sasuke smile because although he is a lot weaker than the Sasuke of the past, people seem to like him better, and Sasuke can live with that. He spends his days training, and doing missions with his own team. He likes his team because it never belonged to the old Sasuke. He was told the old Sasuke had chakra constraints, but he doesn’t because they trust him. So he lives like everyone else in the village, apart from his boyfriend is hokage-in-training and they are war heroes, even though he doesn’t remember. He cooks dinner at night, and kisses Naruto whenever he wants, and drinks with their friends and he is happy. Sasuke sits at the table, looks over and clinks his glass with Naruto’s and toasts:

“To us.”

Naruto smiles. 

—

**748 days later** , Sasuke stirs and his brain feels foggy, but he suddenly feels the presence of another next to him and his mind clears instantly. He does not think as he turns over and presses his hands against the throat of the person next to him, who suddenly makes a choking sound.

“Sasuke? What are you doing?” comes a familiar voice.

Sasuke frowns and he activates his sharingan and stares down at the face he knows almost as well as his own.

“Naruto?” He asks, and his voice sounds softer than he remembers.

“Get your damn hands off my throat! What’s gotten into you? Did you have a bad dream or are you feeling a bit kinky?”

Sasuke reels back in horror and releases Naruto’s neck, suddenly realising they are both naked, and were sharing a bed. He feels himself break out in a cold sweat when he has no recollection of how he got here. He flexes his arms and realises there are no chakra suppressors running down his biceps. 

“What am I doing here?” he asks through gritted teeth, scanning the dark room with blood red eyes for some clothing to protect his dignity.

“What kind of question is that? You’re sleeping here? Because you live here?”

Sasuke is silent, mind reeling. He looks down at himself and realises he looks more filled out, and less toned. He notices small pink bruises on his lower stomach and the inside of his thighs, and then looks at Naruto and sees the same, but more faded, on his neck and collarbones. Realisation hits him as to where those kind of bruises come from and bile rises in his throat.He runs to the waste paper bin he spotted in the corner of the room and throws up. Naruto is at his side within a second, rubbing his back but Sasuke tenses and flinches away.

“You could’ve at least used the bathroom.” Naruto teases.

“How am I meant to know where that is?” he bites out, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

He looks up and makes eye contact with Naruto for the first time since waking up and Naruto gasps.

“Sasuke! Your sharingan! When did you…” But he trails off and slowly horror and confusion drift onto Naruto’s features.

“Sasuke...what’s the last thing you remember?” His voice is quiet, trembling slightly.

“I was on my way back from buying groceries when my whole body started hurting. I thought it was the chakra suppressors but I don’t think it was but then….” 

He doesn’t finish because Naruto grabs the waste paper basket from his hands and promptly throws up into it, the smell of both of their vomit filling the room. Naruto has finished heaving but he is shaking uncontrollably and great sobs are coming out of his mouth.

“You don’t remember.” He gasps out.

“Remember what?” Sasuke asks, still on alert, but now more confused than anything. 

Naruto looks up at him and Sasuke can see heartbreak in his eyes, more so than any other time Sasuke has looked at Naruto. More so than when he left the village, more so than when Naruto found him at Orochimaru’s layer, more so than at their last battle, and Sasuke is even more confused as to why Naruto looks so absolutely broken.

“It’s been over 2 years since the day you collapsed with the groceries, Sasuke. You woke up but you had amnesia. I took you in and we lived together, we built a life together. We..” 

He pauses and begins sobbing again. 

“We fell in love. I became hokage. You just became a Jounin. We bought a new house together. We have a cat. We’re...we’re going to get married.” 

Naruto grabs his left hand, which now appears to have a prosthetic limb attached to where it was severed just above the elbow, and shows him the simple gold band on his third finger. Naruto then holds up his own left hand and shows him a matching ring. 

Sasuke tugs his hand away and looks at the metal band in horror. 

“This is some sick joke.” Sasuke says aloud, not sure if he’s speaking to himself or Naruto.

“It’s not a joke. I wish it was. I wish….” Naruto is cut off by his own sobs again.

“I’m leaving.” Sasuke says, standing up but Naruto grabs his leg. 

“Sasuke please. Don’t. We can start afresh. As friends. I don’t care. I can’t lose you completely. I’ve built a life with you.”

Sasuke meets Naruto’s pleading gaze and for a moment a flash of memories blinds him. Naruto teaching him to throw kunai, Naruto with his legs on his lap while they watched a film, Naruto kissing his neck and whispering in his ear, Naruto sat on the floor playing with a piece of string and a cat, Naruto telling him he loved him. Sasuke blinks and the memories are gone, and Naruto is still looking up at him, face screwed up with tears and snot.

Sasuke grabs a pair of pants off the chair by the door and leaves. Naruto cries.

**Author's Note:**

> apologies for the heartbreak, i don't know why i feel the need to make everything i write so sad lol  
> big thanks to jackie and kiya for proof reading!


End file.
